(OPENING THEME PLAYING)
Titans, do you know
what day it is?
ALL: Wednesday!
Hump day, baby.
Oh, yeah. Nothing better
than the middle of the week!
Hoo-hoo-hoo.
Hump-hump.
(SLOWLY) Wednesday.
Uh, first of all, it's Friday.
ALL: Friday!
Enough. Yes, it's Friday.
But more importantly,
it's payday.
Why can it not
be the Wednesday?
Woo-hoo-hoo. Loo-poo-poo.
Hump-hump.
So, what are you going
to spend this money on?
I could really use
a new robot badonkadonk.
Ooh, I also wish to purchase
the new robot badonkadonk.
Books, books, books
and some books and books.
Books.
(MAKES BUZZER NOISE) Wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong
and some wrong.
Wrong!
Money is not to be wasted
on things that bring you
happiness and joy!
Money is to be hoarded,
until your have enough money
that your money
makes more money.
And then you spend that money!
No! You hoard that money, too.
Ew. This is why they say
money is the root of all evil.
Money? Evil?
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
I know someone who
might change your mind
about that.
Oh, well hi there.
I am money.
(GIGGLES) Hi, money.
Nice to meet you.
Now, did someone here
think I am evil?
It is him. The green one.
You are evil, bro.
I know your heart!
Money doesn't have a heart,
Beast Boy.
Exactly! He's evil!
Watch your mouth
or I'll break your bones!
(GIGGLES) What I mean is,
how can I be evil
when I'm just a little
old piece of paper.
(GIGGLES) You're not paper,
you're money! Silly, money.
I am paper,
but I am also money.
All I am
is an agreed upon
representative of credit.
Something you trade
for goods and services!
-So I can be anything.
-(SCREAMS)
Even paper.
Can money be a pineapple?
If everyone agrees on it,
sure.
Can money be rocks?
Absolutely!
Can money be the blurp blops?
(GIGGLES) Now you're talking!
Can money
be Robin's stupid face?
You show some respect!
Call me Sir or Dr. Money.
Now, kneel before me
or I will destroy you all!
My apologies, Dr. Money.
Money's kind of
creeping me out.
Yeah, he's making me
wanna be poor.
See? Evil.
And you know
what I do to evil.
No! Stop it!
(YELLING) No!
Oh, you're gonna
make it, buddy.
Hang in there.
No, no.
It's too late for me, pal.
(COUGHING)
(WAILING)
Goodbye, cruel world.
-(GAGGING)
-(BELL CLANGING)
That's it!
(PANTING)
None of you are getting paid
until you learn
to respect money!
Fine with me, bro.
We don't need your money!
But I wanna buy things so bad.
I also wish
to trade the currency
for goods and, or services.
Yeah, people need money,
Beast Boy.
Animals don't use money!
And have you seen
an unhappy dog?
-Of course.
-All the time.
Look at that one.
(DOG WHIMPERS)
My friends, we have no choice
but to respect money,
like Robin has asked of us.
I'll never
respect money, Star.
Not as long as it's evil.
But I have an idea!
Ah! Looks like
someone bought
some pizza!
Well, in the spirit
of commerce,
-may I buy a slice?
-(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
Sure, dude,
that'll be five bees!
What?
Five bees
for the slice of pizza.
Bees? (SCOFFS)
How about I give you a dollar?
(SCOFFS) We only take
real money here.
-Bees, brah.
-(BEES BUZZING)
Bees aren't money, "brah".
You said it yourself, Robin.
Money represents credit,
so money could be anything.
I choose bees.
But bees are not
an agreed upon currency!
No one is gonna pay you
in bees!
Ooh, may I have
a triangle of the pizza?
Sure thing. Five bees, please.
Ow!
Look, I don't have any bees.
How about flies?
Will you take three flies
for a slice?
(SCOFFS) Three flies
won't buy you anything.
(BEAST BOY GROANS)
I'd like a slice,
but all I've got
is a queen bee.
Here's your pizza,
and here's your change.
Two bumblebees.
Hey, didn't I give you
a queen?
My bad. I owe you a wasp.
Mmm. Ouch. Mmm. Ow! Ow!
Mmm.
This is ridiculous.
I am not using bees
as currency.
Sounds like someone needs
to learn to respect money.
The bee money. Ow!
I only respect paper money.
We'll see where that gets you.
Ouch!
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(BEES BUZZING)
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(CASH REGISTER BEEPING)
BOTH: Ooh!
(GROWLING)
Fifty thousand bees?
I don't get out of bed
for less than 100!
Call me back when you're ready
to talk real bees.
(GROANS)
Robin, come in. Ow!
-Ah, thank you for seeing me.
-Of course.
I actually
owe this all to you.
You told me to respect money,
and now I'm the richest man
in the world!
Now, what can I do for you?
Ouch!
I, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
I just need some bees,
so I can get back
on my feet.
Uh-uh-uh.
I hate to see you suffer,
Robin.
Ow!
But I can't
just give you bees,
you'll never learn to
respect your money
that way.
Ouch! Ahhh!
Are you okay?
You're getting stung a lot.
I don't even
notice it anymore.
Ow!
Now, I won't
just give you bees,
but I will give you
the opportunity to earn them.
That's all I want!
Good. You can
get started right away.
Dance for me, peasant!
-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
-What?
You heard me.
Dance for your bees!
What happened to you,
Beast Boy?
You're not really
going to humiliate me
like this, are you?
Wait, wait, wait.
This isn't the way.
Thank you.
Guys, check this out!
You're gonna make him
dance for bees?
-Ooh-hoo!
-This is gonna be good.
Now dance!
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Dance fo yo bees,
dance, dance fo yo bees
♪ Dance fo yo bees,
dance, dance fo yo bees
♪ Dance fo yo bees,
dance, dance fo yo bees
♪ Dance fo yo bees,
dance, dance fo yo bees
♪ All I want to do
is dance for some bees ♪
Fabulous! You've earned these.
Is this it? Ouch!
Be grateful!
Ouch!
You were right, Beast Boy. Ow!
Money is the root of all evil.
Even bee money! Ouch!
It hurts to see
what it's turned you into.
I'm sorry. I can't hear you
over all my bees!
(BUZZING ANGRILY)
No! No! Ah! Ow!
(GROANING)
What's happening to him?
This is what happens
when you let money
consume you.
It turns you into a monster!
Actually, I think
it's an allergic reaction
from the bee stings.
(SCREAMING)
No, he's swollen with evil!
Or, maybe he's asking us
to call a doctor.
We must destroy the evil
that's consumed
our dear friend.
Titans, go!
(ROBIN GRUNTS)
It's working.
The evil is leaving him.
I'm gonna call an ambulance.
(ROBIN SCREAMING)
It's good
to have you back, buddy.
I'm sorry, guys.
I don't know how
I got so caught up
in making money.
Well, we all learned
something important
today, Titans.
Whoever said,
"Money is the root
of all evil"
was way off base!
That's right. The real danger
is bee allergies.
BEES: Hey!
Sorry, for uh...
Beating you mercilessly.
We thought you were a monster!
It's cool.
Friends, I have just received
the hospital bill.
Ooh! That's gonna sting.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh...
Yeah.
I got three letters
for you tonight.
(ROBIN SPEAKING)
-(BEAST BOY SPEAKING)
-(STARFIRE SPEAKING)
(RAVEN SPEAKING)
CYBORG: No, no, no and no!
They are "V" "H" and "S."
That's right.
I got VHSes for days.
For days.
Can we watch The Golden Girls?
I love
those sassy, old broads!
And I would like to watch
The Crosby Pudding Half
Hour Show of Sweaters.
Theo, get your glorp-nops
off the kitchen table.
Rudy!
Let's watch Alf again.
I love Alf.
Yes, eat that cat,
Alf, eat him.
He's hiding
in the kitchen drawer, Alf.
But be patient.
Savor the hunt, you beast!
I want to watch me
some Manimal.
A guy
that can turn into animals,
-that's so cheeseball.
-(BLEATING)
Those are all great shows.
But tonight we are watching
The A-Team.
"A" is the highest of letters,
it must be the best.
It's about four cool dudes
who ride around in a van
with a stripe.
I love stripes! Was it red?
You know it was red!
And they would protect
the innocent from bad guys.
Oh. Kind of like us.
Except they weren't lame!
They made cool weapons
out of junk, like oil drums
and pieces of discarded metal
and oil drums!
That sounds so awesome!
It was!
Now, let's get
this party started!
Where's the remote?
I have not seen
the remote controller.
-I don't know.
-Beats me.
Psh, I don't know.
It's probably
just in the couch cushion.
Ew.
(BIRD SQUAWKING)
Have you seen the remote,
Sticky Joe?
-Howdy!
-Then you're useless to us!
Beat it, Sticky Joe. Beat it!
(HYPERVENTILATING)
It's not here. The remote.
It's not here!
(WAILING)
Hey, it's okay, Cyborg.
We can just use the buttons
on the TV.
The buttons? The buttons!
You're right!
The TV's got all sorts
of buttons for things.
(BUTTONS BEEPING)
(STAMMERING) Menu...
(GIBBERISH)
Would you relax?
The remote
will turn up eventually.
We'll watch The A-Team
some other time.
This is not about The A-Team.
Or Charles in Charge,
or Webster, or Small Wonder,
or Silver Spoons,
or Out of This World,
or Magnum, P.I.,
or MacGyver,
or Perfect Strangers,
or Facts of Life,
or Happy Days,
or Who's the Boss?
or Head of the Class,
or Too Close for Comfort,
or Knight Rider,
or Dukes of Hazzard,
or Greatest American Hero.
Cyborg, gimme a break.
Without TV I don't know
what to do with myself.
It's just TV, Cyborg.
"Just TV"?
The best moments of my life
have been sitting in front
of that guy.
He teaches me life lessons,
made me laugh,
and filled lots of empty time.
Wow. You... (CLEARS THROAT)
You sound like a crazy person.
I think we should
use this opportunity
to take a break from TV.
What?
Why would we want to do that?
Because concerned parents
have theorized for decades
that TV rots the brain!
Well, that's obviously
ridiculous.
TV keeps your brain
active, healthy and strong.
I don't know, dude.
If a parent said it,
it has to be true.
Then, instead of watching TV
we're gonna spend our time
hanging out with each other!
-Yes!
(CLOCK TICKING)
Without TV you really notice
how long every second is.
Are you serious? How
many more of those are
there before we go to sleep?
Approximately 32,000.
Oh, I am not doing this
32,000 more times!
All right, we need an activity
to occupy our time.
Let's engage in
some meaningful conversation.
How do you
meaningfully conversate, bro?
We just express our thoughts
and feelings with words.
-Oh.
-Thoughts...
-Yeah.
-Hmm.
-All right.
-Great. Uh, I'll start.
Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
Good afternoon.
These are a nice day...
For things.
Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
Hi, I'm a person.
I know when I do things.
-One time... I saw.
-Uh...
You guys, uh,
remember... Things?
-So fun when we... Right?
-Yeah.
(ALL LAUGHING FORCEFULLY)
(SCREAMING)
We have to find the remote
and watch TV. Now!
Don't panic, Titans.
We just have to do
whatever people did
for fun before TV.
-Like a parade?
-Oh, I've heard of those.
-This is a parade?
-It's just people walking!
And why are the automobiles
traveling so slowly?
Is it deliberate?
To make it the boring?
Don't tell me
that's another marching band!
It's just marching band,
after marching band,
after marching band!
Whoa! Look at him
spin that baton!
Okay, I'm over it.
(ALL BOOING)
CYBORG: I can't, I can't.
I can't take anymore parades
or terrible conversations!
Let's just find the remote
and watch Murder, She Wrote.
That's just going
to rot your brain, Cyborg.
Instead, let's use
these new seconds we have
to pursue
fulfilling activities
that enrich our lives.
Beast Boy, haven't you always
wanted to learn to play
keyboard?
Just don't have
the time, brah.
-Now you do!
-(BEAST BOY SHRIEKS)
And Raven, haven't you always
wanted to be a bodybuilder?
-No.
-Now you can!
Star, you've always wanted
to do volunteer work
for the poor,
but didn't want to miss
your favorite shows.
There are so many
of the poor people,
but even more
of the shows to watch.
Now we can all
follow our passions.
Because without TV,
we have nothing better to do!
Titans, go!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(PLAYING
Who wants tapas?
Mmm. My friends
at the kitchen of soup
would love this recipe!
(DEEP VOICE) Great
source of protein.
You said it, mama.
Look at us, Titans.
We did it! We filled time!
So many seconds went by, yo!
So why do we feel
so empty inside?
Maybe it's because
learning to play the keyboard
didn't teach you
about friendship.
And volunteering
didn't make you
a better person.
And there's nothing funny
about bodybuilding.
You can say that again.
Only TV can give us
those things!
Life without TV
is meaningless.
The Teen Titans
are supposed to be heroes,
but the real hero
is television.
Can I get a "Turn it on"?
ALL: Turn it on!
(SNIFFING)
Hey, what's that smell?
(SNIFFING)
Oh, that's not right.
-Ew.
-Yeah.
I do not understand.
No, no, no!
(SNIFFING) Uh, this is bad!
(EXCLAIMING) Your brains,
they are rotting.
But we haven't
been watching TV.
Exactly!
Just as I suspected!
TV keeps your brain from
rotting by feeding it
information and good times.
(SNIFFING) Huh, but your brain
doesn't stink, Cyborg.
It's because I have watched
so much quality programming,
my brain is stronger
than yours.
Then the rest of us
need to get in front of a TV
before our brains
rot away completely.
But the device that
controls remotely
is still missing.
Then we improvise!
Just like The A-Team.
I love it
when a plan comes together.
What plan?
That's not a TV.
Just look.
It's a show about plants.
This is just as good
as anything on TV!
Ooh, ooh!
Can we change the channel?
I wanna watch something else!
No problem.
How about The Cockroach Show?
I wanna watch the show
about wall.
Which one
are you talking about, Rave?
You know, the one about wall.
Oh, right. The Wall Show.
Huh. Is that stain new,
or from the last episode?
I think it's new.
Oh, look!
It's a crossover episode
from The Cockroach Show.
(SNIFFS) The smell
is getting worse!
It's not working, Cyborg.
How about now?
-(GROANING)
-(SCREAMING)
Your brains!
They've completely rotted.
(GROANING)
It's so nice out.
(SCREAMING)
Let's go for a hike.
(GROWLING) Join us for a game
of miniature golf, brah.
(GROANING)
I'm taking a French class.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
Your rotted brains
are making you crazy!
No! No!
I don't want to do activities!
You can't make me!
Hi-yah!
TV? What are you doing here?
I've raised
countless children, Cyborg,
but you have always
been my favorite.
You might be surprised to know
that all those years you spent
staring at me,
I was staring
right back at you.
And it's been a joy
to help shape you
into the man you are today.
-I love you, Cyborg.
-I love you, too, TV.
Now, the only way
to save your friends
is to reverse their brain rot
with quality programming.
Then turn yourself on, dude.
I don't know
how these buttons work.
No one does.
Where's the remote?
We lost it.
It could be anywhere.
Then we're going
to have to find it!
Let's go!
(INAUDIBLE)
(GLASS SHATTERING)
-Yeah!
(MOANING AND GROANING)
-So nice out.
-I'm taking French class.
-ROBIN: A hike.
-(CYBORG YELLS)
(CYBORG GRUNTS)
(MUMBLES) ''Huh, What?''
Thanks for fixing
our brains, TV.
No problem.
So, I was thinking,
it's such a beautiful day
why don't we all go on a hike?
Or perhaps, take in
some culture at a museum.
I'm just messing with ya.
Let's watch
18 hours of A-Team.
(ALL CHEERING)